Making sense of Hunter Biden’s Laptop from Hell.

 

Making sense of Hunter Biden’s Laptop from Hell.

 

This is a scandal that isn’t going away, but will likely not to go anywhere either. It has become hopelessly complex in part because it's driven by the contradictory evidence, but mostly because it has become a kind of wish-fulfillment fantasy for a hyper-partisan clique that is quite fond of dissembling. Many refuse to believe there’s anything to this story at all because they are prejudiced by the lies told by those insisting this is the be-all-and-all-of-everything, which it clearly is not.

 

Let’s start with the easy part, Hunter Biden is an asshole. He’s got substance abuse problems, zipper problems, was repeatedly over-paid for jobs he was unqualified for because of his last name, at least three of his business partnerships ended in scandal, and he’s under serious scrutiny by the IRS – though the IRS is trying to keep mum about the contents of the investigation, I’m willing to bet even-money it ends in his indictment for fraud. His scandals entered the public eye in 2013 when his cocaine addiction ended his very short Naval career, and that was while his father, Joe, was Vice-President of the United States. The fact that he’s still messing up is life badly was evidenced in 2019 when there was a publicly reported drug intervention by his loved ones, a paternity suit, and a couple of wrecked relationships and a marriage that materialized with eye-brow-raising speed. Also, that year, Joe was running for President.

 

The hard part of this story is that there is a vital need for some to prove that Hunter’s corruption is proof of corruption by Joe. What Hunter/Joe’s opponents need to prove, and have repeatedly, embarrassingly, failed to prove, are the three following things, and it is important to understand that they need all three, not only one or two, ALL THREE!

 

11.)                      That Hunter’s business associations are founded largely on his partners’ wish for an advantageous relationship with Joe. (I think we can all agree that’s been proven.)

22.)                      That Hunter is willing to sell access to, and/or engage in improper back-channel dealings with, Joe, for the benefit of those associates. (I think we all believe Hunter is willing, but the proof of this has proven to be a swamp of incoherencies.)

33.)                      That Joe is equally willing to engage in the same improperness. (Despite what many claim, there’s no proof of this third, and that is the most important piece of the puzzle.)

 

To explain this scandal, I need to remind you of a similar one that neither man was involved in; the one concerning Billy Carter and his brother, then-President Jimmy Carter. Billy was also an asshole. He had substance abuse problems (drank too much, but coke like Hunter), but maybe not zipper problems, he was repeatedly over-paid for jobs he was unqualified for because of his last name, and most of his business partnerships ended in embarrassment, and there were scandals too, just not as many. I’m not aware of Billy having any major IRS problems, but he did act as an agent for a terrorist-sponsoring foreign government while his brother was President (his agency was technically legal, but shockingly unethical). This humiliated Jimmy, who was then investigated because of Billy’s chumminess with a dictator, but by all appearances Jimmy was not guilty of any wrongdoing. What Billy appeared to be doing, improperly implying he could sell access to Jimmy, was really selling a product he didn’t have in stock.

 

If I wished, I could also make comparisons between Hunter/Joe scandals to the dubious foreign business deals that the Trump children and in-laws engaged in while Donald Trump was President and some of his family were members of his cabinet, but I’m trying to be a little-less partisan than usual. I must say though, that because partisanship is at the core of why this scandal is such an incoherent morass, that we need to remember that those who want to hang Hunter/Joe are often the same people who made excuses for Donald, Ivanka, Donald Jr, etc. The dishonesty of this scandal’s advocates should have no bearing on an objective assessment of Joe’s guilt or innocence, but it does, because it has managed to make everything that actually happened as clear as mud.

 

The heart of the current scandal concerns the firing of a man whose name seems to have been lost in the morass, Ukrainian Prosecutor General Viktor Shokin. The USA and EU were disgusted by Shokin because he was refusing to investigate/indict the most powerful criminals in his country. Ukraine was an ally of the USA and EU that was being threatened by Russia because Russia believed that Ukraine’s growing ties to USA and EU were a threat to itself. The disfunction and corruption of Ukraine’s government was a major embarrassment/obstacle to USA and EU efforts to curb Russian President Vladimir Putin’s military adventurism/expansionism in Ukraine and elsewhere. Back in 2015, then-Vice-President Joe had been tasked by then-President Barack Obama with the get-tough-on-Ukraine policy and Joe later bragged about facilitating Shokin’s termination.

 

One year prior to Shokin termination, Hunter was tasked by his employer, the law firm Boies, Schiller, & Flexner, to join the board of Burisma, a Ukrainian company that was a subsidiary of Brociti Investments, which is owned by the tremendously corrupt Ukrainian Oligarch Mykola  Zlochevsky (as I write this, Zlochevsky is a fugitive from justice). Hunter was then only one-year out from his less-than-honorable discharge from the Navy, and clearly under-qualified for his over-priced post. 


Joe’s opponents have attempted to argue Joe forcing the termination of Shokin was part of a plot to protect Hunter, claiming that Shokin was closing in on Zlochevsky, Brociti, and/or Burisma. There is no evidence to support this, and much evidence to contradict this. Shokin didn’t appear to be investigating any of the above and Shokin was fired for not investigating pretty much anyone at all. Further, Joe’s actions were consistent with Obama’s stated policies and desires, as well as those of the EU and semi-EU member UK.

 

Then in 2020, a Presidential election year, the Laptop from Hell brought this dismissed conspiracy story back to life, but only for a short time, because the story of how laptop appeared almost immediately eclipsed the story it was supposed to buttress.

 

The laptop story broke October 14, 2020, when the New York Post published an article about a purported meeting between then-Vice President Joe and Vadym Pozharskyi, and advisor for Burisma, in 2014, the same year Shokin was fired. Had that meeting actually taken place, it might demonstrate that Joe lied when he claimed that he didn’t discuss/engage with Hunter any of Hunter’s business dealings or Joe’s foreign policy actions. When asked, Joe’s team said that the meeting either never took place, or if it did, it was only a passing encounter during a larger gathering. The “passing encounter” explanation was entirely reasonable given Joe’s official duties in the Ukraine.

 

Well … entirely reasonable, except …

 

The reference to this meeting were found on a laptop allegedly owned by Hunter. That laptop had allegedly been dropped pf at a small computer repair here in the USA in 2019 and then abandoned by whomever who dropped it off, presumably Hunter. The repair shop owner, John Paul Mac Isaac, who was a supporter of then-President Trump whom Joe was running against in the up-coming election. Isaac apparently searched the emails on the laptop and found the above-referenced one as well as other incriminating material. Isaac then ghosted the hard drive and handed the laptop over to the FBI. As the Presidential election grew nearer, and the scandal he had uncovered hadn’t broken yet, Isaac contacted Trump’s personal Attny Rudy Giuliani.

 

There are a lot of questions regarding why Isaac would spend the time pouring over the emails of a customer who simply wanted water damage to be repaired. He also made some contradictory statements to the press. He claimed that because he was legally blind, so he couldn’t definitively ID Hunter as the man who dropped that laptop off, but still described the encounter in great detail. This was the beginning, but not the end, of the problems with the laptop and its data’s providence.

 

Giuliani wanted to use the laptop to spring an “October Surprise,” an eleventh-hour revelation that would change the course of an election, so he began shopping for major news outlets that would run with it. Giuliani was once one of the USA’s most admired politicians, but his increasingly paranoid and bizarre behavior, his advocacy of insane conspiracies and association with shady people, and specifically his trips to the Ukraine to purchase exactly this kind of dirt against Hunter/Joe from back-alley sources (Giuliani's antics in Ukraine have made him the subject of a Federal investigation), additionally put the legitimacy of the laptop in question.

 

Giuliani was rejected by multiple news agencies, including ones that were pro-Trump had had a history of extreme partisanship. The story finally did find a home at the New York Post, a paper with a large circulation, friendly towards Giuliani for almost fifty years, pro-Trump, but also, unfortunately, had little-in-the-way of a national news reporting infrastructure. The Post is a local paper, best known for its sports coverage and amusingly splashy headlines.

 

The laptop story apparently caused outrage within the Post paper, with senior reporters refusing to write it, or demanding their names be removed from it, because of the complete lack of verification of the improbable sourcing. The Post made themselves look worse by not opening up their evidence to other papers’ fact-checkers, so it wasn’t just unverified when first run, it was impossible for anyone to verify it in the weeks and months that followed. It looked like the Post itself didn’t believe their own story.

 

When Hunter made his public statement regarding the laptop, he did so through his Attny, and said he wasn’t sure that it was his computer or not. As suspicious as that sounds, it is a matter of record that he stoned-out-of-his-gourd during much of that time period, and Isaac talked with glee about how drunk the alleged Hunter seemed when he showed up at the store. Wisely, Joe refused to publicly address the laptop at all.

 

Except for the most hard-core pro-Trump news outlets, virtually everyone was dismissive of the story, and with good reason, it couldn’t possibly be true. It’s really important to keep in your mind that in 2020, weeks before the most consequential Presidential election in generations, this story couldn’t possibly be true BECAUSE before this is over, I will be explaining that it likely is true, even though it still seems impossible.

 

One of the problems in explaining this story is that it is impossible to do so without engaging in constant asides. A really important one (or two, or three) concerns the 2016 Presidential election, where Hillary Clinton was running against Donald Trump.

 

Clinton was blessed with an exceptionally potent “October Surprise” when a then-more-than-ten-year-old Access Hollywood video, the “Grab by the Pussy” tape, was leaked to the press. On it, Trump proved himself disgustingly misogynistic and bragged about committing sexual assault.

 

It looked like the Trump campaign was finished, but then, just after that, Trump was granted an “October Surprise” as well: Emails stolen from the Democratic National Committee were counter-released. The anonymous leaked of the Access Hollywood tape was clearly from the USA and the source was either pro-Clinton or, at the very least, anti-Trump. Meanwhile the leaks of the DNC emails were provided by the foreign-based Hacktivists of Wikileaks, and they had received them from Russian Intelligence Agents who were trying to manipulate our Presidential race. The emails were touted as evidence that the Democratic Primaries were rigged, but proved nothing of the sort, though they did demonstrate a number of high-ranking Democratic operatives were assholes towards Clinton's challenger in the Democratic Primaries, Senator Bernie Sanders.

 

The email October Surprise obscured the “Grab them by the Pussy” October Surprise, and this was followed by a second, more substantive, Clinton email scandal, more about her personally, showing she had a total disregard for National Security procedures, maybe even hinting at Obstruction of Justice. This third October Surprise arrived while Clinton was trying to put the second was put-to-bed, and just after that, while Clinton was still trying to put-to-bed. The third was actually part of the second, so let's call in October Surprise 2.1, it was unleashed when the husband of one of Clinton’s closest aides proved to be an on-line sexual predator (too complicated to explain here) and the FBI seized his computer that his wife sometimes used (that's the connection to the second October Surprise, and there was some other stuff too, and, well, Trump became President.

 

It was also a year where news-trackers demonstrated that fake-news stories out-trended real-news stories again, and again, and again. Plus, the leading fake-news stories that were either pro-Trump or anti-Clinton led the pro-Clinton or anti-Trump stories by something like a ten-to-one margin. Further, many of those fake-news stories proved to have been sponsored by Agents of Russian Intelligence.

 

Not long after winning, improper contact and co-ordination between members of the Trump Team and Russian Agents was exposed. Though treasonous collusion couldn’t be proven, several of Trump’s closest associates were arrested, indicted, and convicted, but then suspiciously pardoned by Trump. There was also evidence of Trump attempting to obstruct an FBI and then Special Council investigations laid bare in public. Further, Trump spent the next four years threatening to use the criminal justice and/or regulatory system punishments against his political opponents, our Free Press, and even comedians.

 

So, by the time the Laptop from Hell scandal broke, the press was hyper-conscious of how badly they were manipulated in 2016 and mostly sick of Trump. Add to that the obvious impossible-ness of the story, and a situation developed where we not only saw this story dismissed, but a couple Social Media companies attempted to suppress its dissemination on their platforms. I mean, that was the only responsible thing one could do given that it was so obviously a hoax.

 

It was so obviously a hoax. In 2020. Not now. Have patience, I’ll get to that.

 

OK, Trump loses in 2020. He’s now facing numerous Criminal Investigations and damaging Lawsuits, many of which concern his misconduct during the 2020 election cycle and his incitement of a violent riot in January 2021, which was really an incompetent attempted Coup, that left at least six dead of injuries, suicides, and/or natural causes. (A riot responsible for death by natural causes? I know that sounds odd, but it’s true, but let’s not get lost in another aside.)

 

Jump forward to 2022 and we learn that Hunter has been under investigation since 2018. These are related to his IRS troubles, but might also concern illegal lobbying, so this does creep a little closer to the three things that Hunter/Joe’s opponents must prove. Hunter’s dubious hirings and scandalous partnerships were already public record, and now, maybe, even though no details have been made public, there might be evidence that he tried to sell access to, and/or engage in improper back-channel dealings with, Joe. BUT as we already know Hunter is an asshole and it's entirely possible that when he gets indicted (if he gets indicted) it may have nothing to do with Joe. The bridge between Hunter’s corruption and Joe’s conduct remains both all-important and profoundly elusive.

 

Oh, and the laptop is back. Un-named Federal Agents leaked to Politco and the New York Times the emails from the laptop are being taken seriously by Federal Investigators, and if the Feds are taking them seriously, they might be real. After that, the New York Times and Washington Post got access to the data (for the life of me, I don’t know why this took almost two years), and their computer experts verified at least some of the emails were real. Some of the emails, only recently made public emails, seem exculpatory (hmm…did the New York Post supress the inconvenient ones?). But wait, in my reading of the exculpatory ones, they seem like they might also be incriminating. Exculpatory and incriminating, both at the same time? Well, everything in the story seems like that.

 

For example, in April 2014, Hunter wrote to a business partner that then-Vice-President Joe’s pending visit to Ukraine should "be characterized as part of our advice and thinking—but what he will say and do is out of our hands … [and that Burisma officials] need to know in no uncertain terms that we will not and cannot intervene directly with domestic policymakers, and that we need to abide by FARA and any other U.S. laws in the strictest sense across the board … [Joe’s visit] could be a really good thing or it could end up creating too great an expectation. We need to temper expectations regarding that visit…” But the same email also promised his law firm Boies, Schiller, & Flexner, would engage in, “direct discussions at stateenergy and NSC."

 

Among the emails that have been confirmed to be legit is the one concerning Joe meeting Pozharskyi that made headlines in 2020.

 

It is still not impossible that these were faked, but they would’ve needed to be faked by someone with significant resources and skills, a hacker penetrating not the laptop itself but either Hunter’s law firm’s or Burisma’s servers in order to then plant faked evidence on Hunter’s laptop. That is too ornate, too improbable, too difficult

 

Wait, we already know that Russia engaged in an extensive cyberwar that interfered with the 2016 Presidential Election and launched similar campaigns against several members of the EU, that’s been known to the public since 2017 and confirmed in the Mueller Report in 2019. Because of that, nothing is too ornate, too improbable, too difficult, anymore.

 

But now a new illogic arises, the bizarre stupidity of how this hoax was executed seems to undermine the sophisticated plot needed to create the hoax. Do we really believe that Russia’s elite Cyber-Warriors created a true masterpiece of disinformation, but then hand-over their Mona Lisa to complete idiots? Suddenly, the same circumstances that screamed “hoax” in 2020 seem to suggest “not hoax” in 2022.

 

Also, lost in all this, is the most important question. Let’s say the laptop is real, what does it really prove? Well, apparently a lot of it is damaging to Hunter, but its real importance lies with what it does, or doesn’t, reveal about Joe. What if the alleged meeting with Pozharskyi really did take place, but it was, as Biden’s Team suggested, a “passing encounter”? Does either of the above-mentioned emails, or any of the other ones not mentioned here, really mean any of the things people say they mean?


Just today, as I was revising this, another headline-story broke. This headline is from Fox News, owned by the same people who own the NY Post:

 

“ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC ignore voicemail Joe Biden allegedly left for Hunter Biden on business dealings”

 

 

The body of the story claims that it proves then-Vice-President Joe lied in his repeated denials that he never discussed Hunter's business ventures with him, but on June 27 the Daily Mail first published a bombshell voicemail that many feel contradicts previous claims. The voicemail was on the Laptop from Hell and recorded in 2018 and concerns an article just published by the NY Times:

 

"Hey pal, it’s Dad. It’s 8:15 on Wednesday night. If you have a chance give me a call. Nothing urgent—I just wanted to talk with you. I thought the article released online, it’s going to be printed tomorrow in the Times, was good. I think you’re clear."

 

I don’t think that transcript says what Fox or the Daily Mail says it says.

 

Back in 1935, Physicist Erwin Schrödinger attempted to explain the weirdness of the Quantum Superposition with the metaphor of a dead/alive cat. The cat is in a box with a poison gas capsule, and there’s an exactly 50/50 chance that capsule had released its gas and killed to cat, or not. Is the cat dead or alive? Well, open the box and find out

 

-BUT-

 

When this is thought of outside the terms of the logic of mundane experience and viewed as the Quantum Universe operates, the act of opening the box doesn’t confirm the truth, it creates the truth, and before you open the box the cat is both dead and alive, at the same time.

 

When the box of the laptop was opened in 2020, it said it was a hoax. When opened again in 2022, it said it was not hoax. Biden is likely running for re-election in 2024, and this box will be opened then, yet again. What will it say in 2024?

 

ALL HAIL CTHULHU!

 

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